Ooh La La! An Interview with Jamie Cat Callan

I’m so excited to read Jamie Cat Callan’s new book, Ooh La La!: French Women’s Secrets to Feeling Beautiful Every Day. I loved the lighthearted advice of her book, Bonjour, Happiness!, and the interesting cultural comparisons of  French Women Don’t Sleep Alone: Pleasurable Secrets to Finding Love. I also recommend The Writer’s Toolbox to any writer, or person who aspires to be more creative.

Jamie took some time out of her busy book tour to answer a few questions for us! Jouir de:

When did your love and admiration of all things French begin?

I grew up spending my summers with my French-American grandmother.  She lived simply, without a lot of material goods, but she knew how to enjoy life.  She was elegant, beautiful, and possessed a whole lot of joie de vivre.

What is the biggest difference you notice between American and French women?

The second wave feminist movement played out much differently in France than in America. As a result, Americans inherited a kind of divisiveness between men and women.  We interpreted equality as sameness.  France believes in the power of the difference between men and women. 

Also, France’s economy is dependent on the culture of women—beauty, fashion, and perfume supports so many people in France.  It can’t be taken lightly.  Women’s interest in fashion and beauty is serious business, because it supports hundreds of thousands of people.  In America, our industry is about finances, Wall Street and heavy industry.  So you see, we’re not as financially connected to beauty—but I wish we were!  

Jamie, in the middle, interviewing some French women.

In this day in age, when people are worried about the economy and international affairs, why should women concern themselves with their beauty and affect?

Okay, this may sound naive, but I believe that attention to beauty and elegance can actually save our economy and prevent wars.  First, if we understand where true beauty comes from—our hearts—there’s no need to spend a lot of money.  I can attest to this because my French grandmother lived through the Great Depression, sewing her own clothes, gardening and cutting back on luxuries.  She lived well with very little.  This is the French way. 

In terms of the threat of war—well, there will always be the threat of war.  That said, what is the point of protecting our countries, our lives, our way of living if not so that we can appreciate the tenderness of simple everyday pleasures, and yes beauty. 

I believe that beauty can actually prevent wars.  If we recognize the importance of beauty in our lives, then we will not want to destroy other beautiful things.

When did you know you wanted to be a writer?

Always.  I wrote stories, poems and songs for my family when I was a little girl.  I loved to hear stories.  So, I don’t really remember a time when I didn’t want to be a writer!

What advice would you give an aspiring writer?

Write.  Write.  And write some more.  Write on a regular basis and try to create a space that is special to you and your writing practice.  I believe the muse likes to visit you when you show up regularly and honor the space with your words, your thoughts, and  your dreams.  And then aside from writing, I suggest, daydreaming.  Your inner life and your powers of observations are important tools of the trade.

Finally, believe in yourself.  Keep the faith.  No matter what you’re doing—from washing dishes to working at Kinko’s, don’t forget you’re a writer and all this is your material, your paint box, your brushes and your canvas.

Describe your perfect day in France.

Ah, is there such a thing as a less-than-perfect day in France?  Okay, well, if we’re talking about just one perfect day–I would spend much of it  sitting in a café in Paris, watching the world go by.  I would walk through the Tuileries, all the way from Concord to the Louvre.  I would walk along the Seine and cross the Pont des Arts, to see all the bicycle locks that the lovers have left.  Perhaps I’d even have a little picnic on the bridge.  Oh, but I’d want to walk along the Seine and up to Notre Dame.  And then I’d walk around the Left Bank and visit the places  Hemingway and Fitzgerald frequented—Café Deux Magots and Harry’s Bar on the Right Bank. 

 

Speaking of the Right Bank, I would stop by Chanel and pay homage to the Grand Dame of modern fashion.  From there, I would walk a few blocks to Ladurée and perhaps indulge in a macaron or two.  Later, I would go to the market in Belleville and buy some fresh flowers and do a bit of people-watching.  Finally, I would have dinner at Café de l’Homme, where I’d get a table on the terrace, so I could watch the Eiffel Tower lit up against the Paris sky and I would drink champagne! 

Sounds like a perfect day to me. Merci beaucoup! I can’t wait to read your new book, and start infusing my life with more beauty and joie de vivre.

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Let me clear my throat

I’m taking a fantastic writing course at Gotham Writer’s Workshop. I’ve hesitated about signing up for an extensive course because it’s really expensive and I already get a lot of feedback from my writer’s group. However, I’ve been stuck at the same level of writing for a few years (producing lots of first drafts but never being able to finish a completed second draft),  and putting some money towards my craft seems to have reinvigorated my passion for writing.

One of the pieces of advice our teacher gave us was so perfect: “So much of writing is just clearing your throat.” Sometimes you have to write and write until you realize what your writing about. And then comes the hard part…Erase it all.

For the story I’m working on now, I’ve written over 300 pages, but only 40 pages are usable. Everything else was just me thinking out loud (or on the page, actually). As hard as it may seem it’s necessary to assess what is the story, and what is the throat clearing, and then get rid of the throat clearing. No one wants to read a tissue filled with mucus.

I do not view the hours I spent writing the 260 unusable pages as time wasted.  Ray Bradbury once said that every writer has a million bad words in them. The sooner you get through them, the sooner you’ll get to the words worth sharing. I feel like I’m finally depleting my reserve of bad words!

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Wedding Fairy Godmother

Do you ever feel like there’s someone eavesdropping on your conversation with the express purpose of making your day? Right before the wedding, I was talking to someone who just got married and she told me that I’d really regret not getting a videographer for the event. I looked it up online and the costs were just too expensive for a last-minute addition.

The next day, my amazing photographer, Elizabeth Unterman, wrote to me to ask if we’d let her friend film our wedding. For real?!? Samantha June from Arius Photo did such an incredible job. I have never seen so much energy and spirit caught on film. Every time I watch the video I feel like I’m right back at the wedding. I cannot believe we almost passed up on getting a video, and the only piece of advice I’d give any bride-to-be is GET A GREAT VIDEOGRAPHER! And if you live in the New York area GET SAMANTHA JUNE!

Now enjoy the world’s best wedding video:

Tracy & Mike’s Wedding Feature Film – Full Moon Resort from samantha june on Vimeo.

 

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Something was Brewing before the Wedding

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As soon as we got engaged, Mike wanted to brew beer for our wedding. We gave out these bottles as an overnight gift to some of our guests. Beware, this project is awesome but it takes at least a month of prep. First collect beer bottles, remove all labels, and sterilize them:

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We got our beer making kits from Brooklyn Brewshop. You can order from them online – the kits come with the raw ingredients for one gallon of beer. We went with Spicy Saison, Rye IPA and Maple Porter Stout. The first stage of making beer is a lot like making oatmeal…with a thermometer.

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Then there’s a complicated process of separating the cooked grains (mash) from the liquid (wort). The wort is what will become alcoholic thanks to the miracle yeast. Mike is a weirdo and likes to eat the mash – we call it “manmeal,” and it’s absolutely disgusting.

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Keep the wort in a cool place, out of direct sunlight. Let it ferment for about a week. You need to hook it up to a special pipe that lets air bubbles out, but doesn’t let air in.

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Make sure to label all the gallons right away, because they all start to look the same after a while.

2013-01-27 12.15.10When the bubbling has subsided (after about 5-6 days) move the jugs to a cool dark place. Store it there for another week. Now you’re ready to bottle! We bought our labels from My Own Labels. The hardest part of the process was coming up with the names. Mike gets all the credit here: he came up with “I Do” brew, and he based the different names on songs

Rye IPA was called “Rye me to the Moon” based on Fly me to the Moon

Maple Porter Stout was called “Maple Stout Put your Hands up” based on the Isley brothers You Make me Want to Shout.

Spicey Saison was called “Saisons of love” after Rent’s Seasons of Love.

2013-02-23 17.40.39But beer isn’t complete without some snack mix. I found this delicious recipe from The DIY Wedding (I’d highly recommend this book. My friend gave it to me after her wedding, and I just passed it on to my next friend who will be getting married). Is uses about every packaged good from the grocery store. Warning, if you’re trying to lose weight before the wedding have someone else make this because you won’t be able to resist it :)

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Other gifts we came up with for our overnight guests: journals and writing games for my friends who are writers, mini bottles of bourbon distilled in the Hudson Valley , and fancy chocolate bars.

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A Meeting in the Snow

Our wedding photographer, Elizabeth Unterman, had the brilliant idea of capturing the moment when Mike and I first saw each other on our wedding day. I know you’re supposed to wait for the big reveal on the aisle, but I loved having this intimate moment before the ceremony. It was a reminder that the wedding was about our love, and not pomp and circumstance.

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My lovely bridesmaids helped keep my dress out of the snow. I had to wear my favorite boots!

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I could hear his heart beating :)

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My friend’s face is priceless.

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Tracy_and_Mike_Wedding_122Seeing each other before the wedding didn’t take anything away from walking down the aisle. I highly recommend it!

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Crafty Wedding Favors

Mike and I were racking our brains trying to come up with party favors for our wedding guests. I didn’t want to waste money on a little tchotchke that everyone would throw out, but I also didn’t want to break the bank on a more significant gift. While I love the idea of making a donation to charity in honor of my guests, I also wanted to give my guests something sentimental that they can hold onto.

At four in the morning I woke up with this idea:

Name cards that were actually books which included lyrics from our first song, the recipes for the cookies we served, and pictures of us.

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Mike said I was crazy and that it would take too much time. He was right, but it was totally worth it. I loved making this books, and I love seeing them in my friend’s bookcases when I visit their homes :) Mission accomplished!

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There were really simple to make but super tedious. I suggest enlisting a team of friends to help you. First I printed, cut and hole punched each of the booklets.

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I used thicker mason board for the covers. You can get this at most craft or office supply store. I used block stamps to mark everyone’s name on each cover. I kind of liked all the little imperfections.

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Then I just used twine to tie them all together. I originally wanted to Japanese Bind the books, but that would have taken way too much time and sanity.2013-02-20 20.02.36Marla was a huge help to me.

2013-02-07 14.01.13The whole project ended up costing about $3.50 a person (including ink, paper, and a special paper-cutter).

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Vendor Appreciation

Before I start posting pictures of our wedding, I first have to give a huge thanks to the vendors that made the wedding so relaxed and fun.

The Venue:

Full Moon Resort was the perfect site for our wedding. We wanted a place that was relatively close to NYC, but still felt really remote. Since there’s no cell service there people were forced to really take the weekend off. All of our guests stayed for the weekend in little cabins scattered all over the mountain. We had a BBQ and bonfire the night before the wedding which really set the tone for the weekend. Full Moon helped us plan everything down to the second so that I didn’t have to worry about anything on the day of the wedding. It was one of the main reasons why we had so much fun!

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Everyone kept asking us how we found the place, it felt so hidden, but the truth is it was the first venue we found when I did a google search for weddings in the Catskills. I looked at the website and knew it was perfect, but I kept looking just to be sure. When I realized that I was comparing everything else to Full Moon I knew it was the one.

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The flowers:

Jim Williams of Elderberry Flowers was a pleasure to work with. He made these delicate centerpieces that looked like wildflowers growing in the woods. I thought it fit the venue to a tee! He made certain that we were always on the same page and gave me great advice.

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The Rings:

We ordered these from James Christian on Etsy. I was a little worried about ordering our wedding rings online, but we wanted to buy directly from the artist. They were really good about expediting the delivery (because we kind of did it last minute). We inscribed the rings with lines from our wedding song, It’s Only Time by The Magnetic Fields. Mine says “Walk your lands” and Mike’s says “Swim your seas.”

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Make up:

My friend, and bridesmaid, Mandi, did my make up. We spent a few weekends at Sephora picking out the rights shades and look. Ren, my other bridesmaid, was on hand for making jokes.

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It really felt like one big sleepover!

The Officiant:

Choosing an officiant was a no-brainer. I grew up going to Ethical Culture and the leader of our chapter, Bart Worden, has been a close family friend since I was a baby.  He gave us a beautiful personalized ceremony.

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The D.J.:

This was one of the only things Mike and I disagreed on: I can’t stand wedding bands – I don’t want to pay extra to hear the karaoke version of my favorite songs. Mike is a musician so of course he wanted to employ as many live musicians as possible. Eventually I won! Alex Mazur did such a great job. he really kept the energy up, and he played all the songs we requested (and none of the songs we hate).

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My hubby really knows how to move!

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No dance party is complete without props!

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The Cake Cookies:

Mike and I are big cookie fans. I could eat them for breakfast lunch and dinner.  A special thanks to Mike’s mom and Aunt who baked over 300 cookies for the wedding! They were delicious. The best part was we could eat them while we were dancing. They even made us a giant cookie so we could do the traditional cutting ceremony.

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The Photographer:

Elizabeth Unterman was amazing at capturing every moment without ever getting in the way. She was so calming whenever we spoke on the phone and helped us get organized. I loved the creative pictures she took, as well as the photobooth we set up during the after party.

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Tracy & Mike Sayre's Wedding

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Which kid are you?

Photo credit: BCI Burke Comp.

A little girl decides to take a risk and climb on top of the monkey bars. The other kids in the playground look up at her in awe as she balances on the metal rods high above them. She puts her hands in the air, basking in her glory. When she makes it across everyone cheers.

What would that little girl learn about taking risks?

What would she learn about getting attention?

What assumptions would she start to make about herself?

Photo credit: Chicago Phoenix

Her friend sees this and decides to try climbing the bars too. She’s so nervous her feet are shaking and she falls to the ground. Everyone sees this and laughs.

What would that little girl learn about taking risks?

What would she learn about getting attention?

What assumptions would she start to make about herself?

If those two girls were in the same class the next year, and their teacher asked for a volunteer who do you think would raise their hand? The second girl has already decided that it’s not safe to take risks. If she messes up, she’ll just confirm all the negative thoughts she had about herself. Even if she does well and everyone compliments her, but there are two girls laughing in the back of the room, she will focus on the laughter and not on the praise (even if that laughter wasn’t directed at her).

Do you ever focus on the one complaint rather than hundreds of compliments?

If those two girls were at a job interview, who do you think would get the job? If those two girls were on a date with a jerk, who do you think will realize they deserve better, and who will accept poor treatment?

We’ve all had moments in our lives that shape who we are and how we see the world. Some of those moments were big and impossible to forget. Oftentimes they were just small moments that are easy to forget as an adult, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have a long-lasting effect.

The problem is these decisions we made about ourselves were decided by children who didn’t know better. We were doing the best we could to make sense of a world that is confusing and some times painful. As adults we need to take a step back and determine if these assumptions are true and if they are serving us. Are they keeping us from living a full and happy life? Are they keeping us in unhealthy relationships? Are we stuck in a rut because of them?

This is a huge lesson I learned from The Living Course. If you’ve ever talked to me, you’ve probably heard me talk about this course because it changed my life forever. I was the kid who fell off the monkey bars and decided risks were dangerous and attention could only be negative. I lived with this mentality for 24 years, and then in ONE weekend the light switched and I saw my life through completely new eyes. Rather than fear I embraced excitement. Rather than judgement I felt love. Rather than saying “I have to,” I said, “I want to.”

I wish everyone could take this course. I wish everyone could feel like the little girl on the monkey bars with her hands stretched out, soaking up everyone’s praise and feeling magnificent. You deserve to feel that way. The next course is May 31-Jun 2, 2013 in White Plains, NY. The courses are few and far between, so it’s worth canceling your plans. I assist at every course, because it’s incredible to watch people transform into the better version of themselves in just 30 (intense) hours. Go to their website right now and contact them for more information. I do not get paid to do this. The only reward I receive is feeling like I played a part in making someone’s life better.

Don’t waste another year playing it small. Whatever small voice in your head is saying “no” is the same voice that will keep you from having the life you want. When are you going to stop listening to it?

Posted in advice, appreciation, commitment, heso, Self improvement, TLC, vulnerability | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Financial advice everyone in their 20s should know

Hopefully you’ve all finished filing your taxes, but while your mind is still on money I thought I’d go over a few basic money tips that everyone in their 20s should know.

1. Invest in your retirement

A Retired Couple From California Stop to Fish ...

(Photo credit: The U.S. National Archives)

It might seem like you’re too young to be thinking about your retirement but now’s the time you should start putting away money. Every month that you don’t put money away for retirement is like another month you’re stealing from an older version of yourself (a version that is too old to go out and work an extra shift like you can). Set up a plan that takes $100 out of your paycheck each month. If you invest in a plan that has an annual interest rate of 7% that $100 will be worth $800 by the time you retire. What would you have spent that $100 on today? Drinks, clothes, concert? What would you spend that $800 on when you’re 79? Medicine, food, clothing? Once you get comfortable putting aside $100 a month, make a goal of doubling that amount each year.

It’s never going to be easier to be poor. You’re young, you can get away with eating rice and beans every night, you can wear crappy clothes, you can live in a crappy apartment. As you get older, and maybe start a family, the expenses are going to rise. So the next time you consider buying $12 martinis or $100 jeans, think of that feeble, sweet version of yourself, and give him/her the money instead.

I use Vanguard to invest in a Roth IRA because the fees are some of the lowest in the industry and they have good research. Read this if the different IRAs confuse you. If your office matches your investment, you need to invest the maximum amount. That’s free money and you’d be stupid not to take it!

The general rule for investing is when you’re young pick high risk stocks and bonds. In your forties, switch to moderate risk, and switch to low risk investments 10 years before you plan to retire. You can use Bankrate’s calculator to figure out how much you need to put aside to reach your retirement goal.

There are only two excuses for not investing in your retirement: You’re flat broke, or you want to invest that money in career development. The latter is an excellent reason because it will help you make more money in the long run. Just make sure you up your monthly retirement payments when you start making more money.

2. Start building your credit score now

Factors contributing to someone's credit score...

Factors contributing to someone’s credit score, for Credit score (United States). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If you ever plan to buy something expensive in the future, start building your credit score now. Here’s what I didn’t know about credit scores: it’s not a measurement of how good you are at saving and spending responsibly, it’s a measurement of how good you are at handling debt.  I was using a debit card for years because I didn’t want to get in the habit of spending money I didn’t have, and then I learned that I didn’t have a credit score.

You really want to keep your score above 750. You can use CreditKarma to find out your score for free. I wouldn’t pay to find out my score even if they have catchy songs in their commercials.

Here’s why it’s so important to keep your score high. Let’s say you want to take out a mortgage for $200k. If your credit score is higher than 750, you could get an interest rate of 3.08%. If your score is 630 you might get an interest rate of 4.67%. That might not seem like a big difference, but that higher interest rate will add $70k to your overall payments. It can mean a monthly payment of $852 or $1,034. You can go to My FICO to see other scenarios.

English: Suze Orman addressing a Senate Committee.

English: Suze Orman addressing a Senate Committee. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Always pay at least the minimum balance on your credit card. Putting the utility bills and phone contract under your name will help your score, but again you have to pay everything on time. The more credit cards the better, but this can be tricky. It’s harder to keep track of all those balances, and also if they close one of those cards down because you’re not using it, it will end up hurting your score. Also the more times they check your score the more it hurts it, so make sure that if you’re applying for something, you’re guaranteed to get it. Auto loans and student loans help too. Basically if you can pay off a debt in little chunks and meet every deadline your credit score will be good. Read anything by Suze Orman if you want more info.

3. Don’t spend money to save

This seems like a no-brainer, but I fall into this trap all the time. I just spent hundreds of dollars at the container store to organize our storage closet. After everything had its perfect compartmentalized space, I realized that those drawers were filled with junk that I didn’t need. I would have been far better off going through everything first and donating what I didn’t need.

Another time, I was looking to buy a bookcase because our books wouldn’t fit in the three bookshelves we already have. And then I had the brilliant idea of actually looking through all the books we have and getting rid of the ones I didn’t treasure dearly. Now someone else gets to read that Jodi Picoult book I hated, and I don’t have to spend money to keep it in a new bookshelf.

If you’re spending money on a storage unit, or organizers, or on a larger apartment to house all of your stuff, really start to consider if you need all that. If you itemize everything on a receipt, and donate it to the Salvation Army you can get a tax write-off and then you’ll really be saving money.

4. Nothing is free

Sprint Nextel logo

Sprint Nextel logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m always surprised when people expect a free phone for a long-term contract. One of my friend was signing up for sprint at the same time I got Virgin Mobile. She didn’t want to do virgin mobile because she would have to pay $300 for the phone and with Sprint it would be free. This was two years ago. On the Sprint plan she’s paying $60 a month for unlimited text and data. I pay $30 for the same plan (and Virgin uses the exact same service so it’s the same quality). That free phone ended up costing her $1,440 for service over 2 years. Sure I had to pay $300 upfront, but I’ve only paid $720 for the same service. Even when you include the price of the phone, I still saved $420.

When you are offered something free, always do the calculations first. Oftentimes it makes sense to pay up front.

I know all this money talk doesn’t seem to line up with the values of the HeSo project, but it truly does. I see money as the one thing that gives you security and freedom at the same time. Being in denial about your finances causes shame, self-doubt and fear, and if it gets bad enough, you will eventually become dependent on someone else. The sooner you gain control over your money the sooner you will gain control of your life! Making a budget helps you decide what’s really important to you.

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Blood and Nutshells


When reading about character development in See Jane Write, I got a great piece of writing advice that also poses an interesting question for everyone. “Think of a childhood story that would summarize each of your characters. What is their nutshell?” You don’t need to include the story in your book, you just need to know it to understand the character.

My nutshell story is from when I was eight years old and  I was waiting around the playground after school. I was watching other kids jumping off the swing set and I really wanted to try it. A fifth grader stood in front of my swing and told me I shouldn’t do it because I might get hurt. Next thing I knew I was pumping my legs as hard as I could and I thought my swing would go around the pole. I let go, knowing that I was going to jump higher and father than any other kid. And I did. Except I landed on a fence face first.

I stood up and looked around, but no one was watching. There was shooting pain coming from the right side of my face and when I closed my left eye everything was blurry and gray. I put my sleeve against my face and saw that it was covered in blood. Since no one was looking at me, I figured I would just stand there until the blood stopped and I didn’t feel so dizzy, and then I would go to my after-school art class. I was afraid that if I told someone, I would get into trouble and miss my art class.

When the blood soaked all the way down to my elbow a playground attendant noticed and took me to the nurses office. My mom, who happened to be in the school for a parent teacher conference, gave me the present that was intended for my brother’s teacher (a mug that said World’s Best Teacher that was filled with hard candy). I ate every one of those candies as we drove to the hospital and the doctor examined me. I got 10 stitches on my cheek and the doctor told me I was damn lucky I didn’t lose my eye. If it was one millimeter higher, the cheekbone fragment would have pierced my eyeball.

This was me in a nutshell for a very long time (although I must admit I don’t feel like this sums me up anymore because I had a life-changing experience with The Living Course in my early 20s, but that’s a different blog post). If I were a character in a story, here’s what this story says about me:

  1. I was a loner
  2. I was defiant
  3. I wanted to fit in
  4. I was uncoordinated
  5. I was afraid of getting in to trouble
  6. I was willing to accept some pain to avoid punishment
  7. I was lucky

What is your nutshell story, and what do you think it says about you?

I’ll leave you with some comic relief: this is still one of my favorite cheesy jokes of all time.

Posted in heso, hypothetical question, journaling, psychology, vulnerability, writing | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments